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OK, I know I posted in my bio that my book was finished already. And I thought it was. Mostly. Kinda. Well, maybe I was always pretty sure the ending was as thin as wet toilet paper, but by golly, I could tell myself it was DONE.
In my rare moments of honest self-appraisal, I knew that ending needed serious work. So here I am, nearly six months later, finally pleased enough with my ending to show my manuscript to a few trusted friends. What I would really like now is to find a beta reader or critique group---a step I realize most writers take at an earlier juncture, but my courage has failed me numerous times. Now that I have a semi-finished product under my belt, I feel I'm mentally ready to be torn to shreds by a room full of my peers. I was scared to death that if I recieved too much criticism too early, it would completely shatter my already fragile ego and I would abandon my project altogether. I'm sure that will sound pretty lame to many of you, but think of how hard it is to devote yourself to the task of writing your first novel, all alone. You're already asking yourself every day if you've lost your damn mind---devoting every spare moment to either working on your novel, preparing to work on your novel, or thinking about working on your novel. It's hard enough to convince yourself on a daily basis that yes, someday, all this will be worth it. I couldn't risk being derailed by a well meaning, enthusiastic would-be editor. But I have to get ready now. Cause the dang thing ain't getting any younger, collecting dust on my hard-drive. Its time to see what its made of. Wish me luck.
And if anyone out there would be interested in beta-reading for me, send me an email. All comments and advice are greatly appreciated!
I am writing my first novel as well and have the same fear you do. I write for myself and that is easy, but I'm five chapters from the end of my first draft and the panic of 'What do I do when its finished' is starting to set it. The logical answer is, I revise it and get it ready to be read, but that fear is terrifying. I haven't had the chance to really go through your journal, but what type of book did you write?
ReplyDeleteHi Desirae, and welcome! My novel is a paranormal romance/urban fantasy. My advice to you is this: DON'T THINK about what the heck you're gonna do with the darn thing when its finished.
ReplyDeleteJUST FINISH.
Do I realize that I'm advising you to do as I say, not as I do? YES. I am aware of that. But in writing this blog, I hope to help other novice writers avoid the mistakes I have made along the way.
I allowed my fear to paralyze me for months on end. I could have finished my book in half the time, if only I'd had the courage to let my characters have me completely, to allow the story to unfold on its own, rather than worrying constantly about what some hoity-toity agent or editor might think of it. Or what ANYONE might think of it, for that matter.
For instance, vampires play a huge role in my novel, and I worried that I would never be able to make my story stand out among the plethora of vampire novels which agants have been bombarded with in recent years. I worried that I might come across as just another Twilight groupie who had written a novel-length chunk of fanfic, simply because my novel tells the story of vampires who have found a way to live among humans, and my two main characters are a human and a vampire who fall in love. I also worried what my friends and family might think of me after reading the more graphic scenes in my novel. I worried what other writers might think of my ameteurish attempts--that is, if I ever worked up the nerve to actually attend the writer's group which I had signed up for more than two years before finishing my manuscript. In short, I spent so much time worrying about my writing that there seemed to be little time left for actual writing.
If you don't finish what you started, then all that work and all that worrying won't amount to a hill of beans anyway. I know how terrifying it is--how naked it makes you feel to hand over a body of work which you've poured your soul into, and risk having someone tear it to shreds. But until its finished, that body of work is ALL YOURS. It will never be more yours than it is right now, in the creation stage, when you are breathing life into something where once there was nothing. One day you will have to let go of your baby and allow the world decide if they will love it or hate it or praise it or curse it. But for now, its safe with you. The only reader you have to please is yourself. So try your best to be fearless and just keep writing. Can't wait to hear back from you when those last five chapters are done!